It’s two in the morning, and I’m sitting here typing these words in the quiet of my room. I don’t know if anyone will ever read this, but I need to get it off my chest. Ever since I graduated from college, my life has been a long journey of finding my passion and finding where I truly belong.
Ten years ago, I walked across the stage with a bachelor’s degree in economics and honors from a top university. I was proud of what I had achieved and full of big dreams. But when I look back on the past decade, I mostly feel ashamed. I wanted to make money quickly. I wanted to get ahead in my career so I could build a better life for myself and help support my aging parents. Instead, I spent ten years jumping from one promising industry to another, always thinking I might find something better somewhere else.
I was drawn to the idea of financial freedom and career success, so I went into sales. Over the past decade, I’ve worked in bank sales, financial investments, insurance, import-export, pharmaceutical sales, and even as an executive assistant at an insurance agency. In several of these industries, I worked for two or three different companies. There were times when I changed jobs multiple times in a single year.
I’m deeply ashamed to admit that after an entire decade, I’m still working on finding my passion and work that feels right for me. I used to believe that you needed passion to do well at your job and build wealth. Without it, I felt like a failure, watching the years of my youth slip away. If I could go back in time, I would gladly trade those big dreams for a stable, ordinary job—somewhere I could stay for years, build a steady career, and have reliable benefits. Instead, I kept chasing one big idea after another without ever turning them into anything lasting.
I changed jobs so often that I eventually lost count. I never had the courage to tell my parents or siblings the truth about my work history. Only a few close friends knew what was really going on. They kept telling me to settle down and find something stable. But whenever I started a new sales job and couldn’t close deals within the first few months, I would get frustrated and lose confidence. Then there would be office drama, toxic work environments, and workplace politics. Before long, I would quit and move on to something else.
Through all those ups and downs, one person stayed by my side: my college sweetheart, who is now my husband. He has been there for me through every breakdown. I still remember those early days when he would drive me around town and patiently wait outside while I went to job interviews. Thinking about those moments still makes me feel guilty. I had painted such a hopeful picture of our future together, but time and again, I gave up on the goals I had set for myself.
My husband is an incredibly patient and understanding man. He has never blamed me for changing jobs so often or held my unstable career against me. But that doesn’t make the shame go away. I could say the word “ashamed” a thousand times, and it still wouldn’t fully explain how I feel about the years I’ve spent going in circles.
These days, I’m trying to teach myself new digital skills. But with my current responsibilities, it’s hard to give them the time and attention they deserve. I have a 14-month-old baby boy at home, and most of my day revolves around taking care of him. I plan to stay home until he is a little older and more independent before seriously thinking about returning to work.
Still, late at night, the same questions keep me awake: What am I going to do when he grows up? Will I end up back in the same cycle of sales jobs, never quite finding my place?
The thought of returning to a traditional office makes me anxious. My past experiences with toxic workplaces have stayed with me, and I really don’t want to go through that again. What I want is to work from home, manage my own time, and build a source of income that gives me some real independence. More than anything, I want to contribute financially to my family and give my son a comfortable life. I want to be able to take him to a store and buy him the food he loves or a toy he wants without constantly checking price tags or choosing the cheapest option just to save a little money.
Meanwhile, our financial situation has become harder to manage. My credit card debt keeps growing month after month because my husband’s income alone is no longer enough to cover the rising cost of living in an expensive city. The pressure is real, and it makes me want financial independence even more.
That is one of the reasons I started DailyFlakes.
I wanted a place where I could share what I’m going through, and maybe hear from other women who are facing similar struggles. Sometimes, we just need somewhere to be honest about our lives without worrying about being judged. I’m still figuring things out myself, but I hope this website can become a place where we can share our stories, learn from each other, and feel a little less alone.
I don’t have all the answers right now. I’m still trying to figure things out, one step at a time. But I know I don’t want to keep all these feelings to myself anymore.
In my next post, I’ll share more about the jobs I’ve had, why I left each one, and how I nearly lost our hard-earned savings to an online career scam.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If you’ve ever felt lost, ashamed of where you are in life, or stuck in a cycle you can’t seem to break while trying to build a better future for your family, I hope you know you’re not alone. If you feel comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your story in the comments. Even a simple hello is welcome.
Maybe we can help each other feel a little less alone along the way.