We always think we would be smart enough to spot a bad situation before it happens to us. At least, that’s what I used to believe. I judged women who took back men who had cheated on them. I thought they were being naive and ignoring the obvious.
Then I became one of them.
Today, I am writing this from a messy living room, holding my newborn with one arm while trying to clean up after my toddler with the other. I am a single mother of three beautiful children. And the hardest part for me to accept is that I gave the same man a second chance after I already knew what he was capable of.
How My Journey as a Single Mother of Three Began
My journey into single motherhood didn’t start with some mutual decision between my husband and me. It started when I found out he was having an affair.
I was pregnant with our second child when everything fell apart. My husband—the man I thought I would grow old with—was already deeply involved with another woman. Before I had even had time to process what was happening, he started pushing for a divorce.
He wanted out.
He wanted to be with her.
He wasn’t thinking about the baby I was carrying or our older child. As far as he was concerned, his new life was somewhere else.
When the divorce was finalized, I thought that had to be the worst part.
I was wrong.
I spent the next year figuring out how to function as a single mother. I was recovering after giving birth while taking care of two children and trying to handle everything without much help.
In our culture, we don’t have the luxury of a traditional Asian “sitting month” or postpartum confinement where relatives take care of the new mother while she rests. I was back on my feet almost immediately, changing diapers, preparing formula, feeding the kids, and trying to keep the house running.
There were days when coffee was basically the only thing keeping me going.
I was tired all the time, but I didn’t really have the option of stopping.
The Trap of Giving Him a Second Chance
Then, exactly one year later, he came back.
It happened on the anniversary of our divorce. He showed up at my door looking miserable. He cried, apologized, and told me leaving us had been the biggest mistake of his life.
He said he missed our family.
He said the other woman had made his life miserable.
And he said he wanted to come home.
I knew what he had done. I knew how badly he had hurt me. But I also wanted my children to have their father around. Part of me still wanted the family I thought we were supposed to have.
So I listened.
I believed him.
And eventually, I gave him another chance.
Looking back, I wish I had trusted my first instinct instead.
The Mistress and the Pressure That Followed
Things changed when the other woman realized he was trying to come back to me.
She did not simply walk away. She put enormous pressure on him and made it clear that she did not intend to lose the relationship.
She also used her financial position to gain influence with his parents. His family started putting pressure on him as well. They cared about money, social standing, and what they believed he would lose if he chose to stay with me.
The situation became more complicated every day.
Eventually, he gave in.
He chose the money.
He chose his parents’ approval.
And he chose her.
He walked away from us again.
The difference this time was that I was pregnant with our third child.
I was now facing another pregnancy while raising two young children and dealing with the fact that their father had left again.
Pregnancy Under Pressure
The second round of single motherhood was much harder than the first.
I was angry with him, but I was also angry with myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had already been through this once and somehow allowed myself to believe him again.
During my third pregnancy, my life did not slow down.
I still had to take my two older children to preschool. I took them to the park, handled their appointments, made meals, and tried to keep their routine as normal as possible.
There was no one else I could simply hand them over to when I needed a break.
My pregnancy also became stressful and medically complicated. I had two frightening episodes of heavy bleeding and was told to seek medical care immediately.
I remember standing in the hallway, trying not to panic while thinking about the two children who still needed me.
I eventually got them into the car and went to the clinic.
The doctor prescribed medication and told me I needed strict bed rest.
On the way home, I stopped at the pharmacy. Sitting in the car afterward, I looked at myself in the mirror and had a moment where everything suddenly felt overwhelming.
I was trying to earn whatever money I could online. I was raising two children. I was pregnant with another baby. And now I had medical expenses on top of everything else.
I remember thinking, How did I end up here again?
That question stayed with me for a long time.
The Pure Chaos of My Daily Reality
Giving birth did not magically make life easier.
If anything, the real chaos started afterward.
A few weeks ago, my second child was in the middle of potty training. I was sitting on the couch breastfeeding the baby when my toddler had an accident on the living room rug.
It got everywhere.
I had to stop feeding the baby, who immediately started crying, while I grabbed cleaning supplies and tried to deal with the mess.
There I was, cleaning the carpet with a baby crying behind me and a toddler waiting for me to fix everything.
That is what single motherhood looks like for me.
It isn’t always some big emotional moment.
Sometimes it’s just cleaning a rug while trying to keep everyone fed.
The Daily Guilt of an Overwhelmed Mother
One of the hardest things I deal with is the feeling that I am not doing enough for my children.
Every morning, I have to get the two older kids ready and take them to school. There are times when I feel completely stretched beyond what I can realistically handle.
I have had mornings where I came back home and found the baby awake and upset after I had been gone briefly. Those moments scare me and make me question every decision I am making.
I hold my baby and wonder whether I am failing as a mother.
My older kids also notice what other families can afford.
They see other children going to nice cafes, amusement parks, and family vacations.
Sometimes they ask me, “Mommy, can we go to the amusement park too?”
I don’t always know what to say.
I want to give them those experiences. But sometimes I am physically exhausted, financially stretched, and simply trying to get through the week.
Every morning when I wake up, I tell myself the same thing:
“You can do this. Just get through today.”
Most days, that is enough.
Then one of the kids gets sick, the laundry piles up, or another bill arrives, and I start questioning everything all over again.
What I Wish I Had Known Before Taking Him Back
Being a single mother of three has taught me something I didn’t understand before.
Love by itself does not make a difficult situation easier.
Money matters. Stability matters. Having someone who actually shows up matters.
When you are raising three young children, trying to make money, dealing with medical expenses, and doing most of it alone, there is very little room left for another person’s broken promises.
If a man has already betrayed you once, I am not going to tell you that he can never change. People can change.
But I will tell you what I wish someone had told me.
Don’t listen only to what he says. Watch what he does.
Don’t let old memories convince you that the person standing in front of you is still the person you remember.
Don’t take him back simply because you want your children to have a “complete family.”
And don’t ignore what happened the first time just because you desperately want the second chance to work.
I did all of those things.
Now I am living with the consequences.
My life is still messy. I still have difficult days. I still have moments when I wonder how I am going to manage everything.
But I also have three children who need me.
They didn’t choose any of this.
So I am choosing to keep moving forward for them.
Maybe I made a terrible decision when I believed him again. Maybe I should have walked away the first time.
I can’t change that now.
What I can do is make sure my children grow up knowing they are loved, wanted, and safe.
That is what I am focused on now.