I honestly don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
My ex is also my direct boss at work. We started as regular coworkers, became close friends over cheap breakroom coffee, and eventually started dating. Looking back, mixing my job with my love life was a terrible idea. But right now, dealing with my ex boyfriend mixed signals at work has made every single workday completely miserable.
Things started falling apart a few months ago when my work performance slipped a bit. I was struggling with a new team project. Instead of pulling me aside as a supportive partner, he called me out sharply in front of the whole team. It really hurt. Right after that fight, he stopped training me and quietly handed my main responsibilities to another girl on our team.
Work got super awkward, and it didn’t take long for that tension to ruin our relationship. Suddenly, he was always “too busy” with his online classes and extra work hours to hang out. Weekend dates just vanished. We went from texting all day to barely saying hi in the hallway.
I knew we had to talk. I asked if we could grab a coffee after our shift to figure things out. I was totally honest with him—I said I was lonely, hurt, and wanted us to fix this before work ruined us completely.
His answer caught me completely off guard. He looked me straight in the eye and said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He told me he had no interest in getting married, hated the pressure of adulthood, and felt like he couldn’t give me the future I wanted. Just like that, he dumped me at a coffee shop table.
I swallowed my pride and accepted it. No begging, no drama. For the first few days back at the office, I kept it 100% professional. I only talked about spreadsheets, client meetings, and work deadlines.
Then the weird mixed signals started. Out of nowhere, his name popped back up on my phone. He started texting me pictures of his study notes, complaining about his day, and sending funny memes like nothing had happened. I tried to stay distant, but every notification gave me this tiny spark of hope that made my stomach flip.
Two weeks after the breakup, I caved. I sent a quick text asking how he was doing. He replied almost right away and said he’d been really lonely. He even admitted he missed me. But then in the very next sentence, he brought up our old fights and said we were way too incompatible for marriage because of our tempers. He swore he still loved me, but insisted we should just be “good friends and supportive coworkers.”
Then came the night that messed everything up. We went to a casual work drink with a few people from the office. Everyone was drinking and laughing. On the ride home together, the tension between us was crazy. Old feelings took over, and the alcohol definitely didn’t help.
The next morning, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew it was a huge mistake. But I also knew I was still deeply in love with him. In that one stupid moment, all our boundaries vanished, leaving me trapped in a messy workplace friends with benefits situation I never wanted.
Afterward, we had a long talk about marriage, fear, and where we stand. For the first time, he actually looked unsure of himself. He admitted he didn’t even understand his own head right now, and hinted that if we both mature down the road, maybe we could try again later.
So now, we are stuck in this weird, comfortable routine. He’s actually way nicer and more helpful with my work projects now than he was when we were actually dating. We joke around the office, grab lunch together, and chat all day just like old times.
And that is what’s driving me insane. My feelings haven’t gone away at all.
Part of me wants to ghost him completely, stay strictly professional, and see if he actually notices I’m gone. Another part of me wants to stay this sweet, available friend who replies to every text, hoping he’ll change his mind. But I’m terrified that if I stay this accessible, I’ll be stuck in this limbo forever—giving him all the benefits of having a girlfriend without asking for any commitment in return.
I don’t even know what the right move is anymore. Am I an idiot for hanging on?