Late 80s generation, spent my youth grinding to make money, so I’m getting married late. My fiancée was born in 2000, young, beautiful, educated, with a high ego and stubborn. I successfully proposed, and afterward, a sudden prenup disagreement arose when I talked to her about a prenuptial agreement, in black and white. Hearing this, we argued, and she returned the engagement ring. If I didn’t do things her way, it was over.
Regarding my agreement terms:
- Assets: Pre-marriage assets remain separate. After marriage, assets given by my parents are my separate property; she won’t have a share, and vice versa. Major assets bought together during marriage will be registered according to our contribution ratio. If she doesn’t contribute money, it’s the husband’s separate asset. I already own a house and a car bought before marriage.
- Finances: Separate finances. Before having children, I will cover $3,000 a month for the two of us for living expenses. When we have children, add $2,000 per child. She doesn’t need to worry about food and living expenses for herself and the kids. Each month, we each contribute $2,000 to a joint savings fund; if she isn’t working during pregnancy and childbirth, she doesn’t need to contribute.
- Filial Piety: Everyone cares for and supports their own biological parents. She just needs to be thoughtful and well-behaved when visiting my parents 1-2 times a month. My parents plan to give 5 taels of gold at the wedding as a formality, but after the wedding, we return 4 taels, and keep 1 tael which she can hold.
- Children and Housework: Since I am busier, she will take care of the children and our shared home, acting as a gentle mother and good wife.
Two Opposite Worlds Colliding Over Money
Hearing this, she said I was craftier than a dog, calculating, and even added: “No wonder you’re almost 40 and still unmarried.” We argued for a while. She said I was offering about $1,500 to hire her as a housemaid and nanny for the kids, go through the pain of childbirth, serve in bed at night, and act like an obedient servant in front of my family—while still working hard and contributing to savings. Meanwhile, I do nothing, have time to focus on work, and buy assets for myself alone.
While I didn’t mean it that way—thinking she’d have a house to live in, living expenses covered by me, kids without financial worries, and no need to live with parents-in-law, just needing financial independence, family care, and a career—she disagreed. She said if she didn’t marry me, would she be living on the street or starving to death that she had to put up with these basic things being thrown in her face? I didn’t have enough words to argue back.
She concluded: if I agree, we get married; otherwise, it’s over and we never see each other again. Pre-marriage assets and gifts from my parents she won’t touch. But everything after marriage is completely shared. Finances pooled into one account, held by her; I only keep money for business, and she interferes in business matters to know profits and losses, with open finances. She can take care of family and children as long as I hand over all the money. Whether she works or not is her choice, because once family is taken care of, working for economic contribution is out of the question. Besides, I must back her 100% in front of my family; she has no desire to play the obedient daughter-in-law, and if anyone touches her, she hits back. If my parents present 5 taels of gold at the wedding, she keeps all 5 taels, no returning. If not, they shouldn’t give more than 1 tael.
I love her very much and am hesitant about whether to follow her or not; right now it’s 50/50. My perspective was built from the past and consulted with my family. She gave me one week of peace to think, with zero contact between us. I don’t know whether following my view or her view is right. I don’t want to break up!