I’m 31 and currently single. With how crazy the economy has been these past few years, dealing with unrealistic relationship expectations in modern dating has become exhausting, so I’ve pretty much just kept my head down and focused on work. I work in tech, pulling in around $3,000 a month depending on the month. I drive an older, financed car, but I don’t own a place yet. My goal is to grind for a few more years, buy a small condo, and only then start thinking about settling down. Earlier this year, I signed up for an evening communication class and met this girl born in 2001. Turns out we’re from the same hometown—our families live less than 10 kilometers apart—so we clicked and had a lot to talk about. She’s not a knock-your-socks-off beauty at first glance, but the more we hung out, the more charming she grew on me. She’s fun to talk to and pretty confident. I took the initiative to ask her out for food and coffee, and occasionally dropped off boba at her class. She never turned me down, so I figured we were both giving each other a shot.
The more we talked, though, the more I realized she lives with her head in the clouds. She’s constantly talking about “leveling up,” “vibes,” “energy frequencies,” and claims that once a woman has enough “value,” she’ll naturally attract quality men. She told me her goal before 30 is to own multiple pieces of real estate, travel to several countries a year, and that her future husband has to be a guy with a “macro mindset.” At first, I thought ambition in a woman was a good thing. Later on, I found out she hasn’t even graduated yet because she’s still failing a few classes, and her work history is all over the place—she tried real estate, selling insurance, and e-commerce, but quit every single one after a few months. Most of her living expenses still come from her parents. Yet, her Facebook is a non-stop highlight reel of high-end hotel check-ins, fancy restaurants, and designer bags or clothes accompanied by captions like “this cost a pretty penny” or “luxury fabrics just hit different.”
There was one time she mentioned her family business is doing pretty well, so her parents don’t put any financial pressure on her. This past Lunar New Year, we headed back to her hometown together, and since I was giving her a ride, I found out her parents actually just run a tiny grocery store where her mom also hustles selling breakfast food on the side. I didn’t look down on her background at all—my own parents worked their fingers to the bone back in the day. It just started throwing me off how she constantly flexes gifts on social media claiming “my parents bought me this,” even though she once let slip that she’s still paying off her phone in installments and maxing out credit cards. I gently hinted that if she isn’t financially independent yet, she should probably dial back the spending and enjoy the luxury later once she’s actually earning it. She hit me back with, “You’ve got a poor man’s scarcity mindset. If you want to be rich, you have to live like a rich person first :)))”
When Hearing Her “Husband Checklist” Completely Killed My Vibe
The breaking point was when we got onto the topic of marriage standards. She said her future husband needs to make at least six figures (or a high local equivalent), own property in the capital, drive a nice car, have parents who aren’t financially dependent on him, look decent, be emotionally mature, know how to invest, and share her “energy tier.” I laughed and joked, “Well, I guess I’m disqualified right off the bat then.” To my surprise, she actually nodded, adding that being 31 and not owning a house yet proves my development speed is kind of slow. That hit my ego, so I asked her what she has actually managed to achieve on her own so far. After going back and forth, she dropped the line that women don’t need to have those things ready-made because “a man’s value and a woman’s value are completely different.” By that point, I had lost all romantic interest.
A couple of days later, I officially stepped back. She sent me this long essay claiming I was just insecure and got triggered by someone else’s standards, while I copped to losing my temper and saying a few harsh things. Looking back, what kind of husband she wants is entirely her business, and I have no right to force anyone to lower their standards. It’s just that I’ve learned there’s a big difference between having genuine standards and rattling off a wishlist that you’ve never actually worked to match. At 31, without a city apartment or any massive success to my name, I’m certainly in no position to judge anyone. But after this whole ordeal, I finally get it: meeting a gorgeous woman might not scare you off, but hearing someone read out a corporate-style “Job Description for a Husband” will definitely make you run for the hills :)))